We live in a competitive world where there's always something to chase - a better job, more money, better looks and so on. Our social media only shows how happy others are while we're focused on getting our routines and chasing our goals.

In this world, it's easy to blame ourselves instead of seeing the reality as is.

When we blame ourselves, we start to draw artificial boundaries that can easily lead to feelings of separation and isolation.

If you can relate to this or one of the traits below, self compassion might be your solution -

👉🏽 We feel good when we put others down

When we become excessively self critical, we find the need to see ourselves positively by inflating our ego, so we can feel good in comparison to others. In Psychology, this is a term called "Downward social comparison", which is to see others in a negative light so we can feel superior by contrast.

The only problem with this is, we end up surrounding ourselves with constant negativity.

👉🏽 We always feel like we're chasing something bigger

Constantly chasing something leads to anxiety. Everyone desires to feel special and above average but it's impossible for everyone to be above average at everything at the same time, as time is a limited resource.

When we're self compassionate we accept what we're truly after and what we aren't. This can be our fuel for staying focused and working on the goals that matter to us.

👉🏽 We are kind to others but always critical to ourselves

Research suggests that in some cultures like in Asia, being cooperative, self-sacrificing, respectful are considered valuable traits. When they grow up with parents who are highly critical to teach these traits, they tend to become more critical towards themselves.

This evolves into feelings of inadequacy, which they would then start to take out of people closest to them.

👉🏽 We constantly feel like we're being judged or not recognised by our partners

This stems from a fear of feeling inadequacy, where the tiniest of things like not receiving compliments on our looks can be mistaken for judgement. This is because we're seeking external evaluation to make us feel better, and when we don't receive it we get triggered easily.

So how can we practice self compassion? Look out for more in the upcoming essay.