When you were younger, it was probably easier for you to start a conversation with anyone. But when you grow older, people tend to get more serious and it gets harder to connect with strangers at an event or even at a bar.

But this can also depend on your surroundings. If you're the most flashy dressed, you're likely to get noticed, which could help you start a conversation. But what if you're just an average person in a place with groups of people and you don't know anyone?

With a few techniques, you can become a great conversationalist. Here are 3 ways to do it right -

Start with an observation instead of a "hey"

This is the most obvious question everyone thinks of first when they go to a new country or city - "Where are you from". This is by far the most boring question to ask. Imagine 10 people asking the same question to you at a party!

Instead, the most effective way to start a conversation is to make an observation about the person. What are they wearing? Do they look tired or excited? How are they sitting/standing? What hairstyle do they have? What are they drinking?

For example - if they're wearing an interesting sweater, you say - "Hey I like the patterns on your sweater. Where did you get this?". Or even if you can't notice anything interesting you can say - "You look like one of my friends, she's french".

When you make an observation you instantly connect by making your conversation personal.

You can also practice observation as a skill. Try this - Go outside, see random people and try to make one interesting observation around them. With time you'll get better at noticing things.

Creatively find common grounds

As humans, we are wired to identify ourselves within tribes by the way we dress, the mannerisms we exhibit, or the people we imitate. When you are able to establish this commonality creatively, you establish rapport.

For example, I met someone at a bar who had the same kind of piercing I have. It was easy to establish commonality by mentioning things like - "Hey, I have the same helix piercing. When did you get it?". Another example is tattoos. If both of you have tattoos, that's also a great way to start a conversation .

Debra Fine, the author of "The fine art of small talk" refers to this as "Self Disclosure". When a person responds to a question, instead of a "nice", or "oh cool" or witty or humorous follow-up comment, you can follow up with self-disclosure. Here's how it works -

You: How often do you go out? Her: Almost every night. You: Really? I used to be able to do that!

Ask better questions

Asking good questions is an art. It's a way of speaking to the brain that responds to emotions as against simple facts or logic.

Asking open-ended questions is one way to do this - eg. Describe for me …, Tell me about …, How did you …?, What was that like for you?, What brought you to …? Why...? etc.

Another effective way is when your question involves a certain choice, opinion, or effort put in by the other person that characterizes them. In the above example, "What brought you to.." involves a decision of being in a place. Other great examples are "What made you choose a white shirt today?" or "What's the story behind that tattoo".

It's easier to ask better questions when you can make better observations and listen attentively.